The Lie We Lived Together

Spiked walls enclose me.

Dark.

Dim.

Cold.

Let this frozen air choke me. My burning eyes refuse to shed tears. Your face consumes my mind. Your dimpled smile seduced me. It drove me to act outside of myself. Who is this reflection in my mirror? The woman staring back has my eyes, my nose, my face. But, her heart is deceased.

Congratulations, you have successfully stripped me of myself.

How is it that you perceive me standing in front of you? Because honestly, this person I see is not me. This reflection is not the pure, innocent girl I once knew. That girl has since drowned. There is nothing inside her now. You have left her with nothing. And there you are just sitting on your throne unscathed. In fact, nothing touches you. And nothing is exactly what you have lost.

I have lost it all.

You nothing.

Nothing. Not even face.

Emptiness lives within me.

Not even the gift of my word escapes.

I am hollow.

Empty.

Cold.

Raw.

You warmed me up once. But not anymore. The fire you once so fiercely ignited burnt out. Too bad I guess. You ruined me for the next man. Your conscience, on the other hand, knows no guilt.

Does it not affect you?

The scum I am. What I have become exists because of the mistakes I made for you.

The wasted time. Such an unthinkable burden to let you go.

My heart still mourns you. I mourn you. I loved you. I love you now.

You have taken even my drive, my pride, the breath of life that I once was. That I just cannot be again. I have tried with all my might to let go but every moment with you plays in my mind like a movie. Or that damn annoying song that gets stuck in your head. The lyrics were real.

You have plagued me like the parasite that you are. Feeding on me like a host. Because you are not a man. You are nothing but a boy who likes to play house. You give me nothing. You are nothing. And yet you have lost nothing. You escaped like a coward.

You are the ultimate coward.

I do not care to see your face again. You do not even deserve to be graced with my presence. How fortunate you were to get the last pure part of me.

Thank you for tarnishing me.

Do not worry.

You may not be man enough to face everyone. To fight for things you love or want or desire.

But I am.

I am not a coward like you.

I do not run and hide far from the chaos I have caused. I face things forward and with a strong fight. I spit on your pathetic shoes. I spit on your sly, conniving smile. I spit on your memory.

I burn it now.

This is the first and last time I mourn you.

My heart may be scattered with guilt, but it will not be scattered for you.

Coward.

You are only half a man. And I say this with a grain of salt. Splash that wound with salt. Let it burn. Watch it scar. You are not brave enough to even do such a thing.

I am.

Thank you for reminding me that I am a woman. And a strong one at that. I do not hate you. No not at all. I pity you for running away. Yes, running away because that is all you know how to do. That is the only thing you are good at, actually. Sucks for you sir, dearly. May you face the consequences of your actions one day with full force.

Like I have.

Like a man does.

I hope someone unravels you like I have. Like I did.

Let’s be honest here… I know you like the back of my hand, sir.

May you commence to fall as deeply and purely as I once did for you, sir.

May she not flee.

Slash your heart like mine.

Shall thy never quiver in plea.